SillySilenia

Not here, but in my attempt at NaNo this year (which failed due to me being ill and bed-ridden for almost half of the month November): - She could tell by looking at their feces that there was something wrong. (Diarrhea, perchance? XD) - She was quiet quite. (And I am silly very.)

(Anyone else think it's strange to "send a letter to your 16-year-old-self" on a site where your sixteen-year-old-self is not allowed to be? XD If you don't want to deal with heavy themes and a shitload of depression-related shit, skip my post.) Dear 16-year-old-me, You're going to fall ill about five dozen times in the upcoming four years, so try not to fall behind on schedule for all kind of things before that. It will only result in one hell of a big mess. As usual. Story of our life. You're straddling the fence and if you're not careful, you might fall off on the wrong side. Regardless of which side you fall off, you will be hurt - the question is just if you can recover. And for goodness' sake, try and get some sleep during the first two weeks of upcoming August. Running on respectively 9 and 12 hours of sleep per week is going to harm you. Unless you want to be ill for most of September, and have your constant headache get even worse? No? Didn't think so. And yes, I know you/I/we have little control over it. Just try. Try and get your average amount of sleep per night back up above the 2.5 hours, too. One night of five hours of sleep every other day is. not. going. to. be. good. for. you. Yes, you're going to lose contact to M., the other M. and J. You saw that coming already anyway. In the case of J., the only three things you share in common are your worry over M., being depressive and loving to write. That's hardly good foundation for a friendship when M. falls away and you're going to lack time or energy to write for a bit. A friendship based on the grounds of both being depressive doesn't work. But you learnt that lesson at least five times already, didn't you? I know you won't drop them 'cause they need you. You can't keep the heads of five other people above water when you yourself are already almost drowning, though. Or well, yes, you can. If you want to slowly kill your mind and body. Feel free to. Really. I know it's going to happen anyway. Because after the effort and time you spent trying to help them, you won't be able to turn around and walk away. Just keep in mind that even though you've saved them, they won't be able to save you. While you keep yourself strong, you will lose the ability to show your weaknesses when you need to (technically, you kind-of already have by now). You may relapse into bad habits, but you'll never ask for help, will you? Don't break - don't bend - don't bow - don't give up - don't give in - don't show weaknesses - don't show imperfections - always appear strong. That's what you live by, no? It's also what's very nearly going to kill you mentally if you don't watch out. Yes, it has saved you - but that doesn't mean it can't harm you just as swiftly. You know what's the problem? You don't live your life for yourself - you live it for others. I know, it has saved you - if there were no people who needed you, you probably would be dead at least three years now, no? Possibly far, far longer. Would you even have reached the double digits, age-wise, otherwise? No idea. In any case, we/I/you have been depressive for well over half of our life, no? Age seven onwards, even if it took ourselves and others a while to acknowledge it. But think. What's going to happen when for once, you can't help them? When they decide they don't need you anymore and you watch them drown, or almost do so, from a distance? When they go their own ways and you go yours. You are the anchor that kept them safe - or at least alive and somewhat healthy. But they are also just about the only reason you haven't given up, aren't they? Is just the argument of not wanting to hurt your parents and your little sister going to be enough to keep you here? I know you/I don't fear death. Not our own, at least. Not that you necessarily wish to be dead - not anymore, at least, even if you have for years, I know - but you have no real wish to live either. What will you live for when there's no one depending on you? What will you do when there's almost no one left to anchor you to this world? You're walking on the edge of a blade - keep walking this path and you'll harm yourself, or fall off and harm and possibly kill yourself. There is no easy choice; I know. Even now, I still don't know if I made the right choice - I know I have made a lot of wrong choices, I just don't know if this should be on that list too. Must feel weird, reading a letter from your nearly-twenty-year old self. After all, neither you nor I ever expected I would make it that long.

Psychopath in my pants. (Agonoize) (What is that psychopath doing there, I wonder. XD)

I agree, pretty much out of his mind. Seems there is one plus, though. People like that make me seem sane. XD

hasnohat: Thank you for reviewing. =) If all goes well, it shouldn't be too long before the next chapter is there - most likely tomorrow.

despairs: Thank you for your lovely review. I hope I won't disappoint you and my other readers with where the story goes. Happy to hear you like my writing style. ~Silly draechaeli: Thank you for your review. Happy to hear you think it interesting and want me to continue. Don't worry, I will - I expect to have the second chapter up sometime in the upcoming 48-60 hours, depending a bit on how busy I'll be with the upcoming exams and all. ~Silly.

15452

unneeded: I am glad that you approve of Harry's actions. If you carefully read the full summary, one of your questions may be answered. As to the other... the answer to that will at least be given partially in the next chapter. Thank you for reviewing. =) ~SillySilenia JayDee: Yes, I chose that because I felt it was apt. Glad you approve of my humor. Nice that you caught that little acknowledgement - he is indeed a teenage boy, and we all know what that means, don't we? Yes, looks like Poppy is in for a win, doesn't it? I am very happy to hear that you think I made it "frickin' hot", especially since it was written for your request. Yeah, should see if I can make some art of it - or get someone else to do it; it would be cute indeed. I agree, I have been getting far more views, reviews and ratings in this short time than I would have expected. Very nice. Thank you for your kind review, and I'm happy that it was satisfactory - I would've hated to disappoint the person that spurred me into writing this. ~Silly Morbid_and_Sexy: Very glad that you thought it funny. =) Go Poppy indeed. Thanks for reviewing. ~Silly

15431

15429

15426

Mail sent and you're welcome. =) I know how frustrating it can be to want a beta but being more-or-less unable to find one.

I'll send you an email so you can send me a part of what you have so far. =)

15424

I had only barely clicked the "post" button by the time I got in a second review. Oh well, not complaining. Love reviews, especially those as lovely as the review RogueMudblood just left me. RogueMudblood: I'm glad that I have satisfied your curiosity. =) Very happy to hear that you love my sense of humor, it's always great to hear such nice words from others. I do plan on continuing, the only question right now is how fast or slow my next update will be. Happy writing to you as well! ~SillySilenia

This thread will contain my review replies for the still pretty new Harry Potter AU/AR fanfic "Sluggish". As in, for now exactly one chapter is up and only since a few hours. Title: Sluggish Rating: Adult+ Full summary: As Harry comes into his Magical Inheritance, he finds out that there is some Creature Blood in the Potter line. After generations of dormancy, it has now manifested itself in Harry. What will it mean for his daily life and why has no one told him before that this was possible? Does this have anything to do with 'the Power the Dark Lord knows not'? And above all, how will Harry deal with being part magical freshwater slug? [Warnings: 3Plus,Anal,AFFO,Angst,Bi,HJ,Herm,M/F,M/M,Minor2,MPreg,Oral,Solo,TF,WD,WIP - The underlined warnings are mentioned or thought/fantasized about, the bolded warnings are "active"; they have been described. The warnings that are neither bolded nor underlined either have nothing to do with the content ('AFFO' and 'WIP') or have yet to happen and/or be mentioned.] Written for JayDee's request, which can be found *here*. ---------------- So far, I have had one review. Green_eyed_lover: I am glad to hear that you found the story interesting so far. Yes, I myself am also still wondering what exactly inspirated JayDee on that part, but surprisingly enough, it has so far been fairly easy to write. I am happy to hear that you look forward to see where I will take this and what characters I will pair him up with. I had not really thought about taking suggestions one way or another. You're certainly free to leave suggestions for me, but whether or not I'll also take them up probably depends a lot on if I feel like it. Sorry. If I just have the feeling that I won't be able to write it properly, I'm probably not going to try either. Of course, this all depends on the kind of suggestions you were planning to leave. I'll see what I can do in regards to updating fairly soon. I do have most of chapter two planned out, but I have yet to write it. If the flow comes as (relatively) easily as for the first chapter, it shouldn't take too long. Should my muse decide to go on an unplanned holiday, however, it's something else altogether. Thank you for reviewing. =) ~SillySilenia

I suspect it's more a matter of insanity than courage - there is a reason I call myself "Silly". Don't be scared by the horsemen. They just serve to announce my appearance, that's all. Forewarned is forearmed, or some such shit. XD Aaaannnnnd Chapter 1 is up! Sluggish

Ah, but I'm going to deal with the hassle anyway, I guess - seeing as how I've got the first chapter about wrapped up and got some ideas for the second chapter noted down. I suspect that by the time I've figured out which warnings apply, the first chapter will be up. Which is sometime in the upcoming 48 hours, probably.

I would be willing to beta for you, but it does depend a little on how quick you'd need me to be able to reply.

Can't promise anything, but considering the fact that I am going through some very strange moods recently, this may well be the time to write something, well, strange. XD Of course, it all depends on if I can get some inspiration on it and all, but I'm going to try. ...would certainly cause me to establish a certain kind of reputation, putting that up as my first story in this archive. XD

Myth: If a gay guy hangs around with other guys, they must be gay too. Uh, no. I'm sure it happens -sometimes- especially in locations/situations with a vivid gay/lesbian scene, or in areas where the majority of straight people persecutes them, but generally speaking, no. I used to be part of a group of friends. One guy was gay, three were straight, one was bisexual with no preference either way, and another just didn't know, then the females, one was bisexual with slight preference for females, one (me) bisexual with no preference either way and the other five were straight or didn't know/care/etc. Oh, and one was an asexual, hetero-romantic female. Myth: If a gay guy spends a lot of time with a straight male, he must be trying to turn him gay. That assumes a lot of things, such as that gays only hang out with males they're (romantically or sexually) interested in. Which is not true. It also assumes that someone can be turned to a different sexuality, or that all gay guys believe it's possible. I highly doubt that. Myth: If a straight guy spends a lot of time/is friends with a gay guy, it means they're always secretly bi-curious, bisexual or gay. No. Just plain no. Not to say that it never happens, but always? Myth: Lesbians fall in love with every female they come across, and if said female is in a (heterosexual) relationship, they'll attempt everything to break that relationship so that they can get the girl. No more than that a gay guy would fall in love with every male he comes across (unfortunately, that myth seems to be going around a lot too), or that every straight person falls in love with everyone of the opposite gender they come across with. Myth: If a girl hangs out with a lot of guys, she's either a slut or lesbian. Gotta hate that stereotype. Why are females apparently not allowed to get along better with males than females without immediately being a slut or lesbian? -sigh- Myth: Bisexuals want sex with every person they come across. Nope. I am bisexual. Does that mean I want sex with everyone I come across? Hell. No. Myth: There is no such thing as a stable, long-term lesbian or gay relationship. False. My former neighbours are a lesbian couple who have been together for over twenty years now and married (gladly, that's possible here in the Netherlands) for over ten.