SirGeneralSir
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Posts posted by SirGeneralSir
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8 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:
I’m going for the shotgun approach on suggestions, giving a bunch and seeing which ones stick. A nickname or two between them can help describe the relationship too. And as the founder of Home Depot once said, anybody under 80 is a “kid” to him.
If I was to give Loric a nickname from the Goddess (Ava) I think her calling him sweetheart or sweetie would be more her style.
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Not sure if that would fit her personality or goals, as she needs him and starts off just trying to be flirty and playful, she eventually ends up with strong romantic desires and feelings for him.
She likes to clearly flirt playfully, more directed at the idea of being a very fun-loving goddess though it also hides her isolation and loneliness, that she becomes dependant on the character to be there with her even though she has a lot of power.
- Desiderius Price and Deadman
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The goddess is 100% sexually teasing him, that is her thing without actually prompting him or directly offering anything.
In this world all the other gods, goddesses, and demon lords are all either dead or banished during a war over 1k years ago, but the remains of their armies are still around and without anything to command or control them, they do what they want.
Think of Goblin Slayer meets witcher, the young man becomes the witcher without the potion/ritual thing
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I have a line here and I can not figure out what is the best way to articulate it, advice?
Context, goddess just gave the young man some of her power to make him a Champion and eventual Hero, the calling him a good boy part is what I have an issue with.
"That was me giving you some of my energy, just a little bit of it. Now you and I will be connected for all time, you will grow stronger and faster, and you will be more resilient to poisons and other nasty little things. Heroes and champions are only a few steps from becoming a demi-god. If you were to have children now they too would have the unlocked power that you do. You don't have any children yet do you?"
Loric just looked away blushing even more.
"Oh my, I really did find a good boy don't I? Do not worry about it, maybe sometime you will find a woman worthy of bearing your children," Ava said while biting one of her fingernails and giving him a devilish smile. -
8 hours ago, Desiderius Price said:
Cloning? Vats? Can we raise ‘em brainless so I can do a transplant? I’d love a younger self.
This premise also begs the question about consent, of age, etc. What date do clones list as their birth dates? What age are they for legal purposes?
I would say in context the same age they were developed to, because the mind still has the memories of the past XYZ years, because the same could be said for a body transfer into a robot/android. that body was only made 5 min ago, so by standards you are only 5 min old. would you accept being told that you are only seen as being 5 min old and that you must now be treated as an infant? not likely.
well, there might be someone out there >_>
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currently working on editing this chapter, it is on its way.
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So the plan, still working on it, is that the party ends up in the room, because of the sleep stuff they get captured by …… someone, and must deal with either escaping or being diplomatic etc.
I am leaning more towards escaping and fighting their way out of the place and so on.
But I thank all of you for your thoughts and ideas, gives me more ideas to work with.
- BronxWench and Wilde_Guess
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I think my issue in this case, is that I dont know what some of these objects are called and so I am stuck trying to figure out a term to call them while explaining what they are etc.
A communication issue on my part.
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1 hour ago, BronxWench said:
I know a lot of fanfics break with their ‘verse to reference things in other ‘verses, but speaking only for myself, I think it’s lazy writing. I mean, it’s just as easy to say that a mask covered only the eyes and nose of a character, leaving their mouth uncovered as it is to say they wore a mask like Batman when Batman isn’t part of their ‘verse at all.
It’s really the writer’s choice, when you come down to it. When I do write fanfic, I try to stick to my ‘verse and not drag in references that wouldn’t fit. Same thing with dialogue. I try not to use expressions or slang that doesn’t fit my ‘verse. Can you imagine a character from LotR making a reference to something out of Harry Potter? It takes the reader right out of the story. I mean, would Glorfindel order butterbeer? Of course not. He’d rather have miruvor, or a good Dorwinion wine.
Ok valid point, so then how would you describe a Roman/Greek style temple in a Original world, because what I have I do not think fits it at all.
(After a short trek in the ankle high water, Loric found what looked to be some kind of old temple ruins. A tall cube like building with blue crystals that reached at least two floors high supporting the building that were creating the light.)
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So using a fantasy world like LOTR or any universe really, would you say its more about keeping the aesthetics than trying to communicate to the reader as being part of our world?
having read many fanfics where the writer is more telling the reader that the OC villain in his OC world had a cape that was more like spawns or and open mouth mask like batman even though said things don't exist in their world.
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Question, when you are writing something descriptive, how do you decide what terminology to use?
Ex: “The space commando looked like a fusion of Ironman and Optimus Prime from hell.”
or would you not use such examples and instead try to use your own words to depict the character?
Ex: “The space commando had sleek red and silver armor with a menacing and slightly bulky helmet, his oversized pulse gun increasing the intimidation factor”
( I have no such character in mind this was all made on the spot)
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lol this is a LORT ish type of world, though I did get a good laugh at the idea.
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What about something in the food?
Change the room into a dining hall or something and ….. something is in the food.
I need a name because ATM I am thinking the “bad guy” tells them “yeah I put X in it, knocks you out good.”
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At the moment, my plan is that they walk into a room of some kind, light the torches/candles and while they are exploring, the gas is being released because its mixed with X then they would wake up in chains etc.
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Yeah I remember stories from Greek mythology that involved something in the torch oil or mixed into the candle wax that when one of the hero's and his party would light them, it slowly let out a gas that knocked them out over time.
Not sure if there was a real substance used or not, if there was it would just save me time but if not eh I can farce something.
- InvidiaRed and BronxWench
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I have some adventurers exploring a dungeon and I want them to fall into a typical sleep trap.
but instead of the traditional walk into a room and it fills with gas, I was thinking they are in the room, light the candles/torches and its letting out a gas from there.
is there any real world substances that could work like that, or do I need to make something up?
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I think I figured it out, A drunk Bard and he left his Lute, still have to make the scene more funny and the like but I think thats the better option.
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My thinking is that the two have been together for a long time fighting and adventuring etc.
the consent thing, neither knows how they got there and she is the one on top of him, who did what to who unless he is just guilty because hes a guy.
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Yean so far my thinking is that MC will do the panic, deer in headlights thing because he will fear that not only will she be mad at him and beat him, but that now their friendship will be ruined and things will never be the same etc etc.
She will be more annoyed that she missed out on it memory wise but ultimately think nothing of it as she is still sitting on his dick while taking her sweet time to get off him. Her thinking being more of “its already in, nothing will change that now, feels nice actually.”
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for the MC, if he walked in on a girl/woman changing or anything of that nature, he is the type that would turn around on his heel while his face turned bright red, and pretend to not have seen anything at all, it never happened, nope its all good.
Even if, said woman had no issue with him seeing her naked or wanted him to see her naked, hes not the type to stare.
ATM as I have her now (might change) the female (still no name) is more of a yeah they are tits, what about them? for 5 gold you can ask a prostitute to show you hers.
a kind of batman and robin type of set up only that they are the same age and one is female, I have no other examples
The two would have seen each other naked and in every other situation under the sun but its a kind of forbidden fruit to them. yeah still have to work it out better.
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Setting, its a mythical world, magic and some very primitive steam powered crap.
IF the Mc is wrong with how and how he treats people, he would correct his mistake accordingly as the situation demands. (vampire only feeding on animals and bandits gets a pass, Vampire feeding on homeless etc does not)
The world type as best I can describe it would be kind of like the witcher and D&D mixed together. monsters roam the world mostly unchallenged but there are people out there that do fight them and try to protect the small towns and villages but not the main military as they hide behind the walls of the cities etc.
ATM I think his reaction would be to freeze as panic flooded him, his mind set is that while sex does not mean marriage, he doesn't just go and use any hole that opens up to him either.
the female character that I am still trying to design and plan out, so far has two paths, the first is that she would be upset because she missed out on it or second being pissed not at him per say but the situation in a how the hell.
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Story plot is that all the gods and demon lords are dead, save for a scant few lesser gods and demons, powerful enough but not enough to control all the forces of X.
All the heroes champions etc for each side are also either dead or in a different realm/dimension
The MC is a new generation Hero to be, he first has to become powerful enough in almost RPG style, beat an enemy and gain power.
Problem is the MC is not the kill it because its a monster type, he is more practical and believes that its your actions that define if you are good or evil, even demons and this in turn gains him some negative reactions from other people.
He is not the white knight type, he is the wild knight? and the idea is that a few girls/women will be attracted to that as he also doesnt treat them as fragile little girls that need a hero but instead treats them as independent people
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The universe is a mystical fant, so the blaming on a wizard is always possible.
Ultimately the possible goal of that setting is creating an awkwardness that leads to a romantic desire, there are other girls that have romantic interests with the guy too
but its to provide as much chaos as possible for the male character.
If I use it at all.
New question, sisters revealing to each other that they have romantic interest in the same guy not knowing the other does, sisters are very close, maybe twins bordering on incest level like in host club.
something feels off here
in Writers' Corner
Posted
Something I thought of for context, is that in the first encounter with the goddess, she is dressed in something kind of like a Roman goddess only less, you can't actually see anything but you can make out a lot of her body shape.
Being the gentleman that he is, Loric looks away casually so as not to offend her instead of trying to get a better look like many others would.
So Ava is impressed by him and gives her all the more reason to tease him and try to entice him, he is interested but wants to be respectful too.