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DrunkenScotsman

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Everything posted by DrunkenScotsman

  1. Your comment about lack of protection is well-taken, and something I hadn't thought about. You're right that the topic needs to be addressed. Tsukune and Yukari's night together was totally without protection, but it can be handwaved b/c "no protection" doesn't automatically mean "knocked up." However, it stretches credibility too much if the girls continuously go "bareback" (as it were) but none of them get pregnant. It won't be addressed in this fic, but I will work it into the sequel involving outer Moka, I promise. Also, I'll be posting the next chapter in a few minutes. I expect your review to be the first this time.
  2. Not much to cover in the review replies, but here goes anyway: EK: Wow! Thanks! I can't help but wonder what exactly you'd hoped, that I exceeded it so thoroughly. DFA: Which part(s) did you find touching? FL: Tsukune at least has some vampire mojo in his veins, but "half-vampire" seems a bit much for his anime incarnation. (Manga!Tsukune, on the other hand...) Also, I mostly included the BP tag to cover my ass, since it wasn't exactly intentional. More on that in future chapters. I could definitely see BP being a big part of vampire sex in any world where vampires exist, but going much further with it doesn't seem (to me) to fit the light and fluffy tone of the R+V anime.
  3. That emoticon was an awesome follow-up to that simile. That IS how I go after mistakes. Your question is a good one. I don't know if the anime addresses it at all; in the manga, the mystical seal starts going on the fritz at one point, so that inner Moka is active even with the rosary in place. En route to getting it fixed, she has conversations with outer Moka (who's stuck in the rosary); but in those instances, the rosary is physically attached to her person. At least for the purposes of this date in my fic, she's not wearing it at all. If I recall correctly (since I've been working on a different story recently and thus haven't been thinking about the plot of "Moondance" as much), they discuss the issue in a later chapter. So an explanation is forthcoming, but I won't spoil it here. As for her desire for Tsukune to be aggressive, that's one possibility. She could also prefer if he were passive so she can take the lead. Either one is a valid interpretation of inner Moka, but you'll just have to wait and see which one I used. Other review replies: DFA: Thanks! I'm glad I was able to explain some things with this chapter, which was its intent. Sorry for being such a tease. EK: No apologies needed. Your feedback was honest yet not cruel, so it was definitely well-taken on my end. I'm glad that my writing had its intended effect in this chapter. I chose to keep inner Moka's thoughts a mystery up till this point on purpose, since she's such a mystery to Tsukune; but being inside her head here, especially given the content of her reflections, represents how she's going to open herself up to Tsukune a bit more now. FL: I'm glad it clarified things for you. I think sometimes I'm guilty of asking my readers to take leaps of faith with my plots. Like, "I'm pretty sure you'll like what I've got planned, but you have to trust me. I know what I'm doing." I don't know if that's common among writers, or if it's a trait of good writers or bad ones. It blew up in my face pretty badly with one of my other stories, "Down Under" in the Marvel 'Verse domain. That's a long story though. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the next chapter, coming on Wednesday!
  4. Thanks for the reviews, everyone. So it seems like no one was into the foot thing; sorry that it didn't work for y'all. My foot fetish is mild - what I wrote is about what I'd be comfortable with IRL, and I find the other foot-related stuff like sucking on toes to be kinda gross. I appreciate your collective honesty all the same. More importantly, though, I thought Moka using her foot was important symbolically. I won't dig into it too much here; I'd rather my readers now puzzle that out for themselves. Aysha, I very much appreciate your kind words and support in the above post. You're right that Moka needs something a bit more before she "takes the plunge," so to speak. Hopefully this upcoming chapter 5 will be sufficient for you.
  5. As promised, review replies! Fading Light: I'm glad you enjoyed "The Witching Hour" and are enjoying "Moondance." If you want to review "The Witching Hour" in more detail, please do so - even though it's long finished, I love getting feedback on my stories. Also, please check out "Died in Your Arms Tonight" - it's not connected to the other two in any way, and it's very different tonally to what I'm doing now, but I think it's one of my best pieces on AFF. (Edit: In fact, I'd encourage all of you to read my other R+V works and, if you're so inclined and haven't done so, to review them also!) Verifiaman: I'm glad you're enjoying the sequel to the story you commissioned. My experience writing "The Witching Hour" inspired me to follow through with stories for all the girls, which I'd been wanting to do for a while but struggling with a place to start. So, thanks for your contribution, and I hope you continue to enjoy! Aysha: Good to see you back, my friend. As usual, thanks for your eye for detail that catches things even when I miss it proofreading. In response to your above post, it's not so much a matter of Tsukune *letting* Moka do things to him, if you catch my drift... Death from Above: If Aysha's comments were any indication, you're not the only one feeling teased thus far. From a meta-narrative perspective, I think it reflects how the whole date has felt to Tsukune thus far. Ego Killer: Welcome aboard, and in keeping with the devil-face up there, I think your word choice - "what inner Moka will do to Tsukune" - is apropos. I look forward to each of your reviews for upcoming chapters. I'll probably respond again in a couple weeks, after chapter 5 is posted. Please feel free to discuss amongst yourselves as well!
  6. Since I don't want to give anything away, I can only say "you'll have to wait and see" and "tune in next week."
  7. Just starting the thread for now. I'll reply to reviews from the first 3 chapters later this week, and I'll try to stay on top of it, more or less, moving forward.
  8. Long-overdue replies to the last-chapter reviews: Aysha - Yeah, I'm a stickler for detail and take personal and professional pride in the level of polish in my writing, so missing glaring typos and such absolutely kills me. I've gone back and edited my earliest fics years later, just for my own vanity... errr, so that they'll be the best they can be. I'm sorry that I can't make this story go on forever for y'all, but I'm overjoyed you feel such a connection to it that you want it to. Redsliver - If you read this thread, thank you so much for your feedback. Ah'm mahty sorry Rogue got on yer nerves. As I said earlier in the thread, I wanted her and Rahne's accents to feel as authentic as possible, even if it meant going a bit 'overboard' with them compared to other authors, even if it meant that what they said was sometimes unintelligible. (That's authentic!) Rogue's accent was much easier for me to indulge myself, since I myself am a lifelong Southerner. Daye - Your thoughts on the epilogue mirror my own. I really went back and forth over whether to include it or not, right up until I clicked "submit." I thank you, as always, for your honesty. MarvelMaster - Likewise, your feedback is always appreciated. The reason I ultimately included the epilogue - which, you're right, DID seem a bit rushed - was to provide something of a "bridge" between my story and the "vision of the future" that Prof. X shared in the finale of Evolution; doing so was important to me since this fic was as closely tied into canon as I could make it without sacrificing my own artistic vision. MarvelFan98 - I am truly humbled that you (or any of y'all, really) might hold this up as "one of the best stories in a while." (bows) As for future X-fics that use this as a basis, no promises.
  9. I'll go ahead and respond to the reviews on the last chapter. I was hoping to see MM616's review, but he hasn't yet. Hopefully, he will soon and I can respond to it before I drop the next chapter - which, by the by, I'll be working on over the next few weeks. I hope to have it done before New Year's. MarvelFan98: I wrote her narration in "normal" for ease of reading; though her representation of Cody was intended to reflect that Cody's accent was real, real thick country. It hadn't occurred to me that her narration might also represent the thinning of her own accent. Sweet little nuance there! Daye: The issue with "won't" for "wasn't/weren't" and "don't" for "doesn't" that you noticed was intentional on my part and reflects the speech patterns of the part of the rural South that I grew up in. I will admit, however, that it wasn't western Mississippi, so there are very likely some regional variations that I couldn't account for. I'm also glad you enjoyed Rogue's choice of brassiere - I've tried to use the characters' clothing throughout this piece to help convey subtle clues about their personalities. Rogue usually binds, for instance, especially post-Cody, underscoring her practical side and her difficulty reaching out to others; when she wanted to be sexy for her boyfriend, she wore a sexy bra that would make it easy for her to show him her breasts, which she of course has complicated feelings about, as a sign of her trust in him and level of comfort around him. Aysha: Thanks for the catch; that mistake has been edited. I'm glad you liked it overall. I agree that it seemed a bit rushed at points; it was very, very difficult to try to condense a summer fling into one story. I didn't want to break it up into separate sub-chapters or anything, since I hadn't done so to other girls' stories; but I also didn't want this chapter to be a 10,000-or-more-word behemoth (not that I had the time to write something that size in November). I suppose I could have done so regardless, even if it had made this chapter 3-5x longer than all the others. (What can I say? I like consistency.) I'm not 100% satisfied with the end result here, but at least everyone seems to have enjoyed it.
  10. You can just PM me with the suggestion.
  11. Thanks to all three of you - Daye, MM616, Aysha - for your comments on the latest chapter. I can't tell you what it means to have regular, supportive readers. Daye - I was particularly proud of that passage. I'm glad you enjoyed it too, and thanks for pointing out that specific segment as something you liked. Regarding the bust sizes, Rogue is pretty racktastic even in Evo, but I probably did exaggerate the measurement a bit. I based her on an ex-gf, who was an early bloomer (D-cups at 14, no joke) and who wears something like a G or H cup these days. I did recently realize that, based on rereading "Solo Shots," that the Rogue of FTaBH has bigger tits and has had them since 16 or so. Also, the common thread between the non-first-person chapter titles is that they're all words for "something that comes between," not necessarily synonyms for "intermission." But you were definitely in the ballpark. MM616 - I very much appreciate your support. Hearing that Wanda's orientation was believable means a lot, especially coming from a longtime comic fan like yourself. I'd just seen a state-by-state list of what each state in the US is worst about, and Mississippi really was worst or near-worst in a lot of depressing categories. I might take a crack at a Wanda+Rogue fic sometime in the future. Aysha - I'm glad you find the budding Jubes+Wanda relationship to be intriguing (as opposed to dumb or hackneyed). While, from an adult-erotica-reader's perspective, I can understand your disappointment that Wanda+Rogue isn't happening; but incompatible orientations are a fact of life sometimes, unfortunately. As I mentioned above, a Wanda+Rogue fic isn't out of the question, and I might even find a way to set it in the FTaBH continuity (such as it is). I'm sorry it'll take so long for the next update (probably). Real life strikes yet again. If you'd told me when I started this fic that I wouldn't have it finished in 2 years, I'd have called BS; but, as they say, the best-laid plans of mice and men...
  12. Thanks. I would've left the reviews up anyway, even if he hadn't deleted them, just to prove that I could accept negative criticism without pitching a hissyfit. Ultimately, we were able to talk on the discussion thread for the story; while the other user and I were unable to come to any sort of understanding, he decided to delete his reviews and just stop reading my work, I guess due to artistic differences. If there are any more incidents (which I doubt, since I think he'll just refuse to read anything I write from now on), I'll be sure to PM one of you moderator-staff-types.
  13. Some characters are pottymouths; other characters aren't. For me, it'd be a problem if EVERY character cursed like a sailor, as it'd get unpleasantly repetitive quickly and make it harder to differentiate characters. I don't find writing pottymouths to be all that fun most of the time, so I'll usually use one at most; or I'll give each character a particular favorite swear that they use a little more often (for example, one character that uses "asshole" more than any other). That said, I don't mind writing stories where each character curses occasionally, like maybe once or twice every few chapters.
  14. This man speaks the truth. Especially the PS - I've gone back and reread stories years later and been galled that I'd done such a "shoddy" (in my own eyes) job proofreading them. First, for one of the more bizarre reviews I've gotten, for my fic "The Witching Hour" on this site: "Personal thing, I REALLY hope Yukari shaves. I really don't like chicks with hair down there, though I'd be fine if she trimmed it down to a small patch." And that's all there was to it. I guess it was useful, in that the reviewer was giving me feedback about what he found unsexy; it just caught me offguard that this person had that strong a reaction AND that it was the only thing s/he felt worth commenting on. Some of my best reviews: - for "Solo Shots": I'm SO sorry I didn't review this earlier. I've been meaning to let you know what a great contributor you are to the world of Adult X-men Fanfiction. This was a very good little series. Each chapter was small and focuses. Each coupling was nicely detailed and very hot. I have to say it's rare to find stories of this quality on this site. Your story was very refreshing. I only wish there were more like it. My favorite scenes were the ones with Cyclops and Jean, Emma's fantasy, and Storm. You were creative and insightful with each scene. It didn't feel like PWP even if that was the major theme. I really applaud you for telling all these nicely developed tales. I really do hope that you continue to write X-men stories of this nature. This section needs quality work like yours! Thank you for crafting this series and I look forward to seeing what you have in store next! - for "First Times at Bayville High": Holy crap. Poor Sam. That is not the standard porn 'loss of virginity goes awesomely' story. The story telling theme in interesting as you've done not to facilitate a flashback but to tell it on their own words. Which means first person writing and less explicit porn. You've done it quite well though and in most parts it really does sound how Amara might describe the situation. Still Amara's background has been entirely lifted from the comics? I don't recall any princess of nova roma stuff in the cartoon. Just brazillian chick with an affinty for volcaneos. Still the princess background is worth it just for the scene of the panic amara suddenly starting to use the royal we. and: Aysha is beside himself, yes, yes he is; aside from the fact that this was some of the best all time F/F I have ever read and loved all the nuance's of this chapter. From the English accent to the odd English idioms.(sometimes its hard to believe they understand each other.) However one is forced to be curious, yes, yes one is, about a question Aysha posed a while back. Do you remember? Well do you? (Especially the latter one - I lol'ed, b/c I heard Smeagol/Gollum in my head.) As far as worst reviews, I can't quote them, since the poster deleted them from the stories. One particular user hated one of my fics, "Down Under," something fierce, and made no bones about it - and, to be fair, some of the criticisms raised were quite valid. This same user then started leaving baselessly harsh reviews on "First Times," accusing me of writing some characters OOC when, in the show the fic is based on, those characters had minimal screentime and thus little, if any, defined personalities; worse, the accusations were also based on assumptions from mainstream Marvel continuity, when "First Times" was clearly stated as taking place in a different continuity. In some cases, the criticisms of that story even seemed to be based on deliberate misreadings of what I'd written, which was the most frustrating part. I'm glad he chose to stop reviewing that story, as his reviews weren't at all constructive. On the topic of elevated vs. everyday language: First, know thyself - write however feels most comfortable to you. (See what I did there? I used both styles.) Second, experiment - explore both more florid, descriptive prose and sparse, tight narrative; there's a place for either, with good examples of either to be found among the literary giants. Third, always bear context in mind - if it makes sense for a character to use more formal language in his/her dialogue, then write that character's dialogue in that fashion; on the other hand, if the character's just a regular joe, or comes from backwoods Mis'sippi, or what have you, try to capture the flavor of that dialect as best you can. In this case, it really helps to listen closely to the way real people talk. In the latter case, it's especially important not to overdo it or mis-write the character with your word choice.
  15. So I got that update ready... only a month later than promised... I appreciate what you said, Daye; it made me feel a bit better about not meeting my self-imposed deadline.
  16. What exactly do you mean by "Same issue with not using contractions"?
  17. The chapters I write tend to hover in the 2000-2500 word range, though I've had a few between 1600 and 1800 words, and a few that were over 4000. I've found that overall range is where I like the chapters I read to be, also - though I'm willing to make exceptions for exceptional prose.
  18. I have a love-hate relationship with ratings. I love to use them to give my overall (dis)like of a work, especially if I don't have anything specific or constructive to say. I hate them because there are stories with perfect 5's that I was unable to affect with my less-than-stellar rating selection. I also hate ratings because, similarly, some stories with perfect 5's I consider to be inferior (in my smugly superior Slytherin way) than my own work, which often has less-than-5's.
  19. Author: DrunkenScotsman Title: The Witching Hour Summary: Ruby helps Yukari get a date with Tsukune. Hilarity ensues! Feedback: Ratings, reviews, PM; discussion thread can be created if sufficient interest exists Fandom: Rosario+Vampire Pairing: Yukari/Tsukune Warnings: 3Plus, AFFO, Bi, ChallengeFic, COMPLETE, Exhib, Fingering, HJ, M/F, Minor2, Other, Solo, TF, Voy Solo story or chaptered story: Chapters URL: http://anime.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600054275
  20. Heh, yeah, about that... I've gotta renege on that one, unfortunately. Some opportunities came up that are pretty time-intensive, so FTaBH is back on "sporadic update hiatus." I'm really sorry about that, all. I can't even predict right now when the next update will happen.
  21. Thanks, DemonGoddess. That makes sense for the most part; I'm working on one currently that's definitely "anime domain." In the future, I guess that means I'll just have to make sure my fics clearly fit into one category or the other.
  22. I remember you saying something like that in a previous post. I've not read any of Ultimate Marvel, but Ultimate!Wanda is pretty notorious for basically one thing... Evo!Wanda has it pretty rough. Mental institution, daddy issues, total hard drive wipe and reformat... girl can't catch a break, much like her mainstream-universe counterpart. It's probably to make up for the fact that her power is basically an "I win" button, especially in Evo.
  23. Just got your review, Daye. Thanks for the feedback! Just out of curiosity, though: is it Wanda in general you don't really care for, or this iteration of her specifically?
  24. I was afraid of that. Thanks for the answers anyway!
  25. I was wondering if it was against the rules to post a single fic in both the Anime and the Manga domains, since the work in question (Rosario+Vampire) has entries in both areas, and the fic could fit pretty well in either domain. The fic is currently posted already, in the Anime domain. Or might there be some way to "cross-list" the fic; i.e., have it appear with the same hits and reviews in both sections? PS Apologies if this question is in the wrong place - I wasn't sure where else to post it.
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