DrunkenScotsman

I understand the science of getting a female clone from a male. I just thought (think) that the character concept was/is kinda lame. I think maybe the writers of Evolution were trying to make a "Wolverine-lite" type character who could also hang out with the other teenager characters, though that latter part never materialized within the series. I also didn't much care for the character design in Evolution; she didn't look at all like Wolverine OR the woman who donated her ovum. (She also looked too much like Amara, but that's more a criticism of Evolution's art style and character design more generally.) That said, I like X-23's character design in mainstream continuity a little better - I have a thing for Goth girls, which is why I love Evolution's designs for Rogue and Wanda - so I won't say I'll _never_ write a story involving her.

Hmmm... some stuff to ponder regarding Betsy, and Kurt/Wanda. Jamie/Rahne does crop up with some frequency, so I doubt I'll do one of those. As for the X23 idea... that IS out of left field. I don't much care for the character, but I'll also give that idea a "maybe."

I never watched Wolverine & the X-Men, so I'll have to take a pass on that last idea. As for the others: you've got some neat ideas! I especially like the idea of creating an Evo-Psylocke, one without all the bizarre baggage that the mainstream one brings. That said, do you mean a Brit Psylocke or a Japanese one? I can even find some interesting ways to approximate both - Hong Kong was a British possession until the end of the 20th century, and I tutored a kid once whose parents had migrated to England from Japan. I've kicked around the idea of writing a short follow-up one-shot to _First Times at Bayville High_ where Kurt and Wanda hook up. Would that interest you in lieu of your proposal? If not, that's fine; I do like your idea. It would just be more of a commitment and thus less likely to get written anytime soon. The Kurt/Tabby one could be pretty sweet. Ditto the Iceman/Magma.

I make no promises, but if you've got an interesting pairing and/or premise, I'll add it to my list of "Stories to Write, Eventually." My current series in the anime section got started due to a "request," so you never know!

This post is to open the thread, and to delineate some of the "behind the scenes" stuff that have gone/will go into this story. First, I conceived of this idea a while ago, but I was in the midst of writing "First Times" and didn't want to distract myself from what I consider my magnum opus; further, I had a lot of other side projects at the time which required attention, as well as a demanding job. This year, I have fewer time constraints, and the timing worked out for me to at least attempt writing this story in sync w/ the NCAA tourney. Second, I originally planned to write this story in such a way as to reflect the actual tournament outcomes: my wife and I would each fill out a bracket, and then I would write each chapter to reflect the results. Thus, even I wouldn't know what would happen in each chapter. This seemed like a bit of a logistical nightmare, from a writing standpoint, and more than a little unfair to Jubilee, since my wife doesn't follow basketball at all. One of the fun things about the tournament is that anyone can get lucky and do better than a supposed "expert" - heck, a friggin' octopus filled out a perfect bracket a few years back - but I decided to just plan things out like I normally would and write the story. Third, unlike most of my other X-stories, I'm not too concerned with continuity or canon. This is unusual for me. The other "pairings" in the story were decided mostly on a whim (besides canon Jean/Scott and fan-preferred Kurt/Kitty). The story itself is a chance for me to write a story that focuses on characters who didn't get much love from the show-writers and who don't get many fanfics devoted to them. Fourth, unlike my last few X-stories, which were broody or angsty pieces, this story is intended to be pretty much just for fun. It's about as close to PWP as you'll see me get; what I've got is what you might call an "excuse plot," where the plot is pretty thin and serves as just an excuse for sex to happen.

Indeed - context is key. The list reminds me a little of a meme floating around that gives "X number of tips for writers" wherein each of the tips uses a grammatical or rhetorical construction ironically/hypocritically. Ex: "Passive voice should be avoided." "Always avoid alliteration."

I agree with some - especially the redundant phrases and nominalizations - but disagree with others. Adhering to this list will make your narration sound more formal, while ignoring them will make it sound more conversational - it's your choice, with the caveat that some readers will like more formality while others will like less. As previous posters mentioned, writing dialogue should sound more conversational, because it is conversation, unless the character is intended to sound otherwise - military / academic or otherwise erudite / snooty / etc.

FWIW, I also have a hard time writing BJ's. I don't enjoy getting them all that much and find them inherently un-sexy to watch. (I also realize I'm in the minority on both counts.) For your purposes, I'd play up the fact that he can't see what they're doing, so he doesn't really know how the sensations he feels are being produced and doesn't know what to anticipate. It can lead to some interesting, if silly, metaphors as your inexperienced character's narration tries to make sense of what he's feeling. Though he probably shouldn't last too long due to his inexperience, you do have a few options to stretch the scene, if you want. First, the girls could be good enough or inexperienced enough to be more teasers than pleasers, if you follow. Second, not knowing who or what's doing this could be distracting enough to delay climax, especially if he's distracted by the giggles of the girls or the way their hair tickles his legs or whatever, or if they get in each other's way or fight about whose turn it is. More importantly, the mystery of who's working on him could prevent himself from really letting go and getting into it enough to cum, as well as provide impetus for him to pull off the covers. Edit: And I have to disagree somewhat w/ BW above. While she's right that it's not an objectively-large amount of liquid, it can certainly feel like you've turned into a firehose temporarily, especially that first cum.

I posted this in a different thread on a similar topic, but I think it applies here: I would counsel some degree of caution with the amount of liberty you take with the characters. You don't want them to be so OOC they're unrecognizable - at least, not right from the word "go," instead building the changes slowly. I find readers more willing to go along with that approach. Even there, though, you want to be careful not to cross into the realm of writing what are functionally original characters but with that fandom's names slapped on.

Problem solved! Thanks so much, and sorry if I was a pain in the ass. I just wanted to make sure that my story's rating wasn't "false advertising" its level of adult content.

As someone who teaches such courses for a living, I'm professionally obligated to say "yes." As other posters have pointed out, it can help teach the skills needed to write clearly - spelling, grammar and punctuation, paragraph organization and overall coherence. However, as the above poster pointed out, it's also a specific kind of writing for a specific purpose - academic essays. What s/he described is one of my main critiques of colleges requiring essay-writing courses for all students (especially colleges who cater to students headed for non-academic fields, like nursing). Sadly, even courses in creative writing can be a hit-or-miss proposition, since each professor will have specific ideas of what constitutes good writing. If you can find the right person to mentor you - in academia or outside it - that person will both encourage you and constructively critique you to help you improve while maintaining your unique voice.

You might even focus more on what and how the characters feel during the act, rather than the physical mechanics of things. Depending on your POV, this could be really easy; but it's doable even in 3rd-person-omniscient.

I've also tried clearing my cache and cookies, and the story still has the wrong rating displayed and is still displaying the wrong ratings when I make changes. http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/index.php The fourth story down, currently (titled "Unwrapped").

This is what I'm seeing on the archive page, even after the Ctrl+F5. (You may have to click on it to enlarge.)

http://xmen.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600091362

Unfortunately, it's not. It's still showing "Adult++" instead of "Adult+" and "SFW" instead of "Adult."

On a story I posted earlier today in the Marvel 'Verse domain, I selected the "Adult+" rating. When I view the story entry on that page, though, it displays "Adult++". I've tried switching it to simply "Adult," but then it displayed "SFW."

Ego Killer: Glad you enjoyed the story up through ch. 3. Writing Tsukune so passively is kind of a drag in some ways, but it's kinda freeing too, in that I can focus more on developing the character of the girl that he's with. It's definitely a fine balance though, and something that'll slowly shift as time passes in this series. Aysha: Once again, thanks for your input. Since your comments touched on similar aspects as EK's, I won't beat the dead horse on that. I'm glad you enjoyed seeing the possible downsides of Tsukune becoming aggressive, at least as inner Moka imagines them.

Yeah. I work with a student in the writing center who uses voice-to-text software and it usually causes several errors. They're usually easy fixes, though.

Okay, I went in and revised it a little. It's a minor change, but I hope it's enough to keep you from coming for my head now.

That's overdoing it, but I'll think on it.

Again, thanks for your review, Aysha. It almost seems like you're the only one reading this story... :/ About your critique: I certainly appreciate the feedback, though I'm sorry it was so vehement. What else would I use there, though? "His brown eyes locked with her seafoam eyes" - that second use of "eyes" is redundant. I'm not gonna use "orbs" or "globes" or anything like that. So if you have a suggestion, I wouldn't mind hearing it.

Thanks for your review, Aysha! I'm glad you enjoyed it and that it felt sufficiently like an anime episode; that's what I was aiming for. Hopefully the second chapter, which I posted earlier, will get some more responses... :/

Thread started for review replies and discussion of DrunkenScotsman's R+V fanfic, "Study Date."

I'm still debating whether to include Kokoa in the grand scheme of things. I've got kind of a lot still to write as it is, with two actual haremettes still to cover, and maybe Ruby. Also, while writing outer Moka's story, I had a brainstorm that I think will lead to a "grand finale" of sorts, that will bring a lot of the conflicts and questions surrounding the Mokas and the rosary and R+V's whole "harem" setup to something of a satisfying conclusion, while trying to tie all this in w/ the anime. (Phew!) Not to mention, Daye's helping me kick around ideas for my next X-fic. The answers to your review questions will hopefully be answered in outer Moka's story. I hope. :/ EK: Awesome. I'm glad this interpretation works for you. Inner Moka in the anime is a bit confusing, since she has a lot of the markers of the Tsundere archetype (which I kinda loathe, actually); so writing this is my attempt to understand her. FL: Thanks for the compliment. I'm glad their dialogues worked for you. And of course Kokoa has a dirty side - she may look loli, but (as she points out) she's fifteen years old. Manga!Kokoa has an affinity for Boys' Love mangas; I haven't decided what my version likes to read, or even if making that decision is all that important. DFA: "Not disappointing" - that's sure a ringing endorsement. :/ You're quite right about inner Moka. One of the funniest episodes of the anime is the one where she's trying to "replace" outer Moka due to the destruction of the rosary and clearly has zero idea how to socialize like a normal(ish) teenage girl or fit into the group dynamic of the Newspaper Club.