Mythdefied

I used to have a long list of pet peeves that I'd rant about given half a chance. But, I've mellowed over the last few years and while some things still irk me, I'm also willing to overlook a whole lot for a good story. I can't think of anything that would even make me grind my teeth anymore because the back button and I are very good friends. It just doesn't send me into a ranting mood the way it used to. That said, things I consider marks against the author(s): Poor spelling: If you don't have a dictionary and your spell checker is crap, you can find both online, in abundance. Poor grammar: Can't tell the difference between "to" and "too;" "their," "there" and "they're;" "were" and "we're;" etc.? Wouldn't know proper sentence structure if it stood in front of you doing a strip tease to the tune of the ABC song? Have a beta help you out; have several help you out. The more the merrier. For that matter, go check out Strunk and White's The Elements of Style. The fourth edition is out (since 1999) and it never stops being relevant. Poor punctuation: Don't know what a comma splice is? Using apostrophes to make things plural? Are run-on sentences and paragraphs your trademark? Again, The Elements of Style should be your bff. Epithets: "the taller man," "the redhead," "the older woman," "the [insert modifier and/or description here]." The characters have names; please stop being afraid to use them. OOC: When did poor characterization become just another category instead of a sign of bad writing? A/Ns inside a story: Author's notes belong at either the beginning or the end of a story, not in the middle. Rape as a simple throwaway plot device: If the only reason character A is raped is so that character B can cure him/her immediately with miracle healing sex...yeah. You're doing it wrong. Lube-less anal sex: I think it should be some sort of cosmic rule that anyone who wants to write this should have to try it themselves first. Lack of hygiene: Rimming without a good wash beforehand. Licking fingers after having them shoved up someone's ass. Character A has pulled his cock out of Character B's ass; Character B immediately gives him a blowjob. I'm gagging just thinking about it. No one likes to think about it much, let alone write about it, but the reality is that short of an enema, the anus and excrement are a package deal. Doing those three acts, or any like them, besides being horribly disgusting also carries a serious risk of disease. Ecoli, anyone? Cholera? Dysentery? Mpreg: Over a decade in fandom and I've found exactly one mpreg story that a) made sense, b) was well written, c) had perfect characterization, and d) was believable. I consider that the exception to the rule because the author in question (may she rest in peace) was a wonderful writer and only did it to see if it could be done well. Generally speaking, mpreg is just another word for badfic. Songfic: About the only way I find this acceptable is if the lyrics are posted either before or after the story, like author's notes. Sticking the lyrics in the middle of the song tends to disrupt the narrative flow and having any of the characters sing it is usually a recipe for OOC and eye rolling. Remember: one person's inspirational song of wonderfulness is another's "oh fucking hell, that song SUCKS!" G*d/G_d/etc.: Unless you're seriously Jewish, there's no excuse for this. Find it offensive? What're you doing on AFF? Urple prose: Purple/urple prose is bad enough in a bodice ripper, I really don't care to see it in fanfic. It's not a manhood/manroot/throbbing staff of ecstatic erotic destiny; it's a penis, cock, dick, prick, hard-on, even. Last time I checked, nothing I have resembles flowering petals of dewy delights; if you're too much of a pussy to write pussy (or cunt, or something in the same vein), again, why are you on AFF? Girly men: Yeah, some guys are pretty girly, but if the character you're writing about is a tough-as-nails, ultra-macho guy who can kill someone with a toothpick and a harsh glare, why would you ever write him as breaking into tears at the drop of a hat, constantly needing to be rescued, and discussing his emotions every other page? Men are not women and don't behave or react like them. I'm sure I could find other things to go on about if I thought about it enough, but that takes too much energy. I'm just going to go find some good fic to read.