Cuzosu

Naruto has some really high quality fics and plenty of authors, but on the whole it's full of character bashing and bad cliches. You need a metal detector or something to find the good ones.

Just picked this bizarre switcharoo up while proofing the first chapter of Creeps Empornium Peepshow:
But if you’re an adult with cash or credit then I open you with welcome arms, my sweet.
I can't decide whether or not I just want to leave it like that.

I just got a big laugh compliments of one of my friend's facebook post. "Husband says my nails remind him of skittles. I painted them people and a bright yellow." I started seeing nano sized people stuck upon her nails like flies trapped upon fly paper. this one made me think she is deserving a funniest typo of the day award for this hilarious post.

Alright, this one had a couple of gems:

and

Just going by the title alone, that might actually work!

*Looks around, doesn't see any of her many from the shoutbox, so comes clean*
From the TwiFic, I fixed it, but still amuzing: "Sliding his hands up the columns of Edward’s legs, Jacob rolled the soft orbs along his fingers, marbling at the difference between the hardness in his mouth and the clay like feel."

XD That actually makes me think of Darth Vader running around with a pink, frilly purse and smacking people with it.

I was trying to help a friend edit a terrible star wars fan film. It was pretty bad, but the line:
"As long as the Jedi are pursed by the Empire..."
Made me cry I was laughing so hard. I got a visual of Darth Vader with a purse, going around putting very small Jedi in it.

"Where's my ale? I'm dying of thrust."
Really? Can I be next?

Professionally, the one I love and cherish: Patient has endured lifelong monogamy. Actual dictation: Patient has ENJOYED lifelong monogamy. Docs are still ribbing me for that one.

As I said in the shoutbox, that was pure gold. Some I've made myself:
"I am a neutered side in all of this."
"I like the way you simile."
"Your eyes are like pools of crisis water."
"What the hall is going on here?!"
"You move with such grape..."
These are very old, since I started getting so many of these I turned off the autocorrect option.

"He set off on his mission with renewed prepuce."
(found in a chapter I was proofreading for a friend)

People are rarely grateful for having their asses saved. We are, by and large, deeply mistrustful because we've only barely scratched the surface of being civilized. You have only to examine history to see how well we deal with strangers, and aliens are the ultimate stranger.

I regret that so few authors are willing to attempt to write new or unusual pairings in ANY of the fandoms I follow. It's so rare to find the couples/groups I like best, let alone well-written.

Yes, it's time for a morass of negativity.

I most regret that the Spike/Buffy pairing became widely known as Spuffy instead of Bike.
You?

The fact that on the one hand, HP fans will read just about anything, but on the other hand tend to be extremely judgemental about other people's pairing and character preferences.
(Speaking about the HP fandom as a collective, not about any specific members of the community)

The fact that the writers for the games can't seem to figure out that romance doesn't have to include angst, stalkers, or a redemption arc. Or STDs, just to toss that one out there.

A: All are excellent points that highlight the value of the reader's perspective about stories. I guess I take for granted that revision is for a reader's sole benefit, while some never consider the necessity of considering a reader's feelings at all. So yes, there does come a time when you must consider the audience over your personal feelings when slaving away at a keyboard to create a good story. The published writers in this world have that consideration at some point within their creative endeavor, or they would not be published and making an income from what they love doing.
I often see "write for myself instead of readers" commentaries in many threads throughout these forums. I see the logic of where such comments come from, because without having that element in the writing process, few writers could truly get anything completed. Without interest in the topic, writing an interesting story is impossible. Still, even if the story interests the writer, it is not a guarantee it will be liked by readers. Individual, yet overlapping tastes in topics and writing styles of the reading class is the whole reason "Genres" exist.
I make a point of thinking about readers whenever I am doing revisions because the reader is the most important part of the process of writing. Readers do create the final link in the process to promote a true case of give and take to crafting great reading tales. Without thinking about the readers responses to whatever is crafted, how can writers truly design tales that will keep their readers begging for the next chapter?
Within the publishing industry, readers are the only reason for the writer's existence. Fail to deliver, and the author loses money for the publishing house. So the pro level authors have to understand their reader demographics and write with readers specifically in mind. Knowing about this mandate in the publishing industry, I do my level best to revise for readers instead of for myself. The first raw draft is for my own drive to get the plot bunnies out of my skull. The revisions are solely geared to increase the amusement of those who may read my work. Perhaps it is a long neglected element in many hobby writers' arsenal of techniques.
A: When a story grabs me by the throat and the plot bunnies are beating me over the head, I simply pour it all into the mix, and then go back to revise heavily. Bribery has never worked with the fiends in my head so I do envy you the ability to side track or outright bribe your muses. So I find that I must open a second document and plunk every single off topic into the new doc for later contemplation because a few of the random non working items for the story I am working upon, prove themselves very handy for different stories. Of course this means I have tons of orphan snippets on file to develop into diverse stories over time. Each writer has a unique way of handling said overloads of ideals, and must find the best route to take to curb the imagination it seems. Some of the best tactics are the cached within the gossiped about eccentricities of famed authors over the centuries.

A very good point. Or rather, a few excellent points.
Reader interest. Every story, long or short, has its own particular target group of readers. An author may not realize it, but most of these groups are relatively small, and so the feedback and quota of readers may not be as numerous as we all like to hope they might be. This is especially true in fanfiction with unusual pairings, for example.
Flow is a big deal, I agree. It can also be hard to pin down in a way that benefits the story, and I think that most authors will readily admit that stories--especially those which consume the author's mind with plot and scenes!--are quite capable of and often trend towards overdoing things. How often do we write something that grabs us by the throat and demands to have its own way? There are ways to deal with such stories and muses, of course: a good beta is a blessing, particularly with unruly stories. And stubbornness can go a long way, too. However, for me, I find that distraction is the best tactic.
Here, I can't give you that. What do you think about this, instead? Or, Ooh, look at that! What a neat idea! Why don't you steal it away before these other muses get close? I'll let you pounce on So-and-So later as a reward.
Yes, I occasionally have to bribe my muses. Surely I am not the only one?

A: You guys have brought up some very good points about back story overkill that many writers commit like a cardinal sin. In reality, we do not know the characters when we start reading, and should not know them beyond their actions. To love what you read requires evolving the character with each word crafted to promote action, emotion and understanding for the reader I think. As to the fan fiction writers laziness, I have read a lot of the problem children of said formula. I am not a fan of those either. I pick on the least embellished aspects of characters when I write fan fiction. I delve into the hints, not the head bashes of any fandom I choose to write. I also take the less loved characters and give them a reason for their obnoxious traits which is rarely tapped by the majority. Yet, sadly, I also think a lot of fandom writers are lazy. I see plenty who cannot understand basics of cannon psychology of the characters they are writing also. Makes me cringe personally. Staying cannon takes discipline, and forethought. Many fandom writers ignore everything about the actual universe they are writing within which is tragic.
The bulk of all stories rejected by publishing house editors are due to back story presented as the opening salvo. It is a taboo in the industry because it does not serve any real purpose to the publishing industry standards. Readers have set expectations and back story openings are not among them. Back story needs to be sprinkled through the story as a flavoring. It only has one purpose; clarify specifics. The vast majority of novice writers pour it on, making their tale far less enjoyable for the reader. Most editors of pro level say that they only accept stories which, from the very first word committed to the manuscript, set the character's heels on fire. The character can only recall taking firefighter classes after they are burning. ROFL. Kind of an absurd way to say it, and yet it is a great memory jogger.
I have read numerous back story starters, and can say that I for one do not care how great the story gets starting in Chapter 2. The first chapter put me to sleep because it is nothing but a "get to know me" flop. Such writers needs to get rid of chapter one, and possibly chapter 2 because the actual story starts after the monotonous back story segment. Introduce characters who are active and hopping through hoops to preserve their own hides. I'll be happier getting to know them as a reader. Writing the same way becomes habit with practice. Having a setting that reflects troubles on the horizon, be it mental, or physical is important to engaging a reader's interest. So you may not have the characters dashing madly down the street with their feet flaming, but you do want to have them walking through a gas puddle at the very beginning.

So it is.
I...can't wrap my mind around that kind of laziness. I understand working with what the creator has revealed, but going purely fan fiction to avoid having to make up back story on a character? The mere thought is giving me a migraine.
True. The ones I deal with tend to have their own methods, that's for sure.

A valid point, Silenia. Timing and phrasing are very important when introducing skills. If the skill is going to be used shortly, the best three options (in my opinion) are:
to have another character present who already knows about said skill. This character would, at the appropriate time, presumably say something like, "Hey, you still practice that like you used to?" flashbacks. Show a scene where the character was using the skill and so would think of it and act without prompting. to have the main character (or another character, if you'd rather) see the skill being practiced in secret. This person can then bring it up as needed. Of course, there's always the option of having the person seen/caught using a different skill that can lead to being asked about the skill needed.
"So, Char. B. I saw you picking pockets the other day. You, uh...pick locks, too, by any chance?"
Or, for that matter, wearing something that could be considered a tell-tale sign.
"Char. A, you wear arm guards. Do you use knives or am I lucky enough to be on the run with an archer who can pick our enemies off at a distance?"
"Char. C, you've got calluses like a sword master. If I steal a sword, would you fight with it?"

The main thing I try to remember about back story on characters is that, apart from the main characters, I'm probably never going to know their entire past. I don't want to. I have enough details floating around in my head; I don't need that many more to add to my problems.
Also, leaving some details unknown allows for "treats" to give to the readers later, kind of like throwing a dog a bone. Besides, mysterious characters are often a lure, too.
The style I like most, as a reader and as a writer, is to only explain the history of a given character as it comes up...except in special cases, such as when using foreshadowing, where there's typically a flashback or a dream to hint at what lies ahead.
As a writer, I don't like putting all the info on any character's past into only the first few chapters; it's an info dump...and most readers won't remember at least a good portion of the information.

When I review, I try to leave an honest, in-depth collection of compliments, critique and suggestions on how to improve.
Generally, I start out with how I felt about the story as a whole, and if I don't have anything positive to say, I don't review. (That whole, "Not all authors have thick skin" thing.) I tell the author if I liked it, if I felt it had potential, if it intrigued me, if it made me laugh.
Next, I note what spelling or grammatical errors I remember seeing, what they should have been and why, AND that it's not a big deal, just something they might want to get a beta for because spell/grammar checks often make mistakes that a human eye can catch.
Then I move on to a scene by scene cover of the chapter/story. I comment on how in character people were if the story is fan fiction, and if they're not in character, I share my thoughts on how acceptable the reasoning for that is. I cover the realism of the emotions felt by the characters, because I'm big on psychological cause and effect. Also because I think it helps the reader connect with the story when the emotions are realistic, whether or not people are in character. If there's action, I'll cover how the fight scene seemed to me and how it might be improved (if I think of that; sometimes I miss that one).
In telling the author what I liked or disliked in each scene and how it might be improved if needed, I also like to throw in what I thought of the interactions between the characters, the way the thoughts came across, and how much attention to detail there was. Some writers are great at dialogue but suck at background details, such as scenery/surroundings. These are also important details, if mostly noted briefly and in passing, and they help a reader grasp the world the author is writing in. For fan fiction, not so much background detail is necessary, but it's still nice to read.
As I'm bringing my review to a close, I usually cover the details that really got to me (good or bad) again, restating why I had the reactions I did and why I felt it was or was not appropriate--and, if not, what suggestions I had to make it more appealing to readers. Then I enthuse a bit more over the story, bringing it to a close on a high note, and end it with my signature phrase and my username, which are as follows:
May the words just flow,
Cuzosu
(I find that "May the words just flow" and similar phrases of writing encouragement often seem to help others get past writer's block, so I try very hard not to leave it out. Encouraging another person to write more is a wonderful way of helping them learn to accept concrit and hopefully getting them to the point of figuring out how to correct some of their own mistakes. It may not always work, but I think it's worth the effort.)

The best betas are willing to work with you as an author and as a person. Me, I love playing sounding board to authors I like and respect, regardless of whether or not I'm editing their works. Giving ideas and plot twists to a writer, for me, is fun. I get too many of them for just one person to use, anyway, and sometimes it's a blast to have two writers take the same idea and write their own stories.
As for long chapters, well, one lady I beta for (when I have time, which, lately, I don't...) has been known to send me 10,000-20,000 word chapters. When I had daily internet access, my turnaround time for her was astonishing. I've been an avid reader since I first learned how to read...and have been known to read 800-1,000+ page books in 24 hours or less, without skimming anything. Out loud, of course, I'm not so quick, but I don't miss as much, either, and so when I'm editing anything, be it my own work or another's, I do a once-over silent and a once-over aloud. And when it's posted, I reread it again a time or three, and if it's another's work, I will add in my review that, "I missed this when I edited it. I'm sorry."
Really, beta work is give-and-take, and the best author-beta relationships are friendships with equality--and forgiveness and acceptance when things go wrong. After all, Murphy is everywhere....
As an author, there are a number of things I look for in people who help me with my stories. For example, Raymy will tell me if my editing needs work, but she also tells me what is and isn't having an impact on her and what she's looking forward to seeing in the future. Fei tells me what gets to her, what she's looking forward to, and, even though she's not good at editing English, lets me know if I've confused her with a lack of explanation or sudden missing characters that were there just a moment ago. Clara and Snow tell me how well I'm doing with characterization and world building (futuristic Musketeer-ish Gundam Wing AU is challenging, and I love it, though it takes so long to get through the scenes because it's all stuck in my head and still rather jumbled together), as well as what they're looking forward to seeing. All of these wonderful ladies have also played sounding board for me in one way or another, and when I needed help through rough patches or a handy stick of dynamite for an obstreperous wall or three, they have been there and offered ideas and support, and occasionally some literary nitroglycerin. Ain't friends wonderful?
....
Kindly ignore that last bit of atrocious grammar. Or laugh at it, if you'd prefer, I suppose. Sometimes my accent bleeds through, thankfully not as bad as my dad's. His would be completely incomprehensible to those who weren't either fluent in southern drawl or familiar with our family. *sigh* It's a wonder I don't need a beta for the accent alone....